Yet more thoughttacular, on discrimination

I think the top of my head's gotten burnt. Ow.

Anyway, this is something I've been musing on for a while, so I thought I would share it with y'all and see what you think.

Quite a while ago I posted a comment on Livejournal's Fatshionista community, and in it I made an observation on how fat discrimination is more socially acceptable than some of the more widely-recognised forms of discrimination (race, gender, sexual preference, social class, etc) because being fat is considered something within a person's control in general society. I woke up the next morning to find my inbox inundated with comment upon angry comment about how my observation was offensive, that people suffer more discrimination from being black than from being fat, that I am obviously extremely priveleged to have that sort of view on fat discrimination, etc etc. Unfortunately (and, yes, this is an unfortunate fault of mine) I'm the sort of person that does not like to offend other people or say anything offensive to other people, pretty much no matter what (exceptions are exclusive to when the person I'm talking to is a total and utter tosser). I proceeded to apologise to every single person that commented and was nearly late for my lesson because of it. I got a few replies, mostly angry, but at least one said that it must have been hard for me to apologise and admit fault and she commended me for that. I wasn't expecting a nice comment like that, so I treasured it.

I was admittedly at fault - my wording had been callous, and in saying what I said (something that I do still believe to be true) I had inadvertently trivialised other forms of discrimination. I learned a lot from my mistake, but unfortunately my mistake has made me forever afterwards somewhat petrified of receiving angry comments on LJ. No need to tell me to harden the fuck up, kids. I know it. :P

Why am I bringing this up? Because this experience also made me aware of something else. All too often in places of discussion you see a comment written by some thoughtless (and normally white) person that has the faintest rumour of racism towards blacks on it (and I do mean, the faintest rumour - like mentioning that the people wolf-whistling a person as she walks to work all happen to be black or latino, for some bizarre reason), and below that comment a litany of replies basically talking to said woman as though she has said the equivalent of "there's this black guy that keeps asking me out and I don't like that he does because he's black. If he was white I wouldn't mind, but I don't like black people at all and think of myself as above them". These angry responses include but are not limited to calling the person insensitive, calling the person ignorant, calling the person stupid, saying that the person is clearly privileged and how dare they voice their opinion or participate in the community at all, or just flat-out insulting them.

Trolling? Maybe, but I don't think so. I'd say that what is often going on here is that somebody has been hurt reading their comment, and is exercising their right to lash out at the offending party in an effort to make themselves feel justified in their hurt, as well as to make them feel better. Sometimes, however, this seems like a convenient excuse to bully somebody, and to use their privilege (which, can I just say, they can help just as much as the unprivileged person can help being unprivileged) as a weapon to foster their guilt and shame for being in a fortunate position.

I am somewhat uncomfortable talking about this in reference to race (although that is the most potent example I've observed, by far), so I'll switch to fat discrimination for the sake of this argument. Now, fat people get abused for being the way that we are. We are bullied in school, we are mishandled and negatively discriminated against by doctors, dieticians, recruiters, and other people that might have some bearing on how we live our lives. We are told time and time again by the world around us that we are not worthy of the same love, beauty, hope and happiness that thin people have, and the only way we can achieve that worth is to become thin. This is not bullshit people, and I've said it often enough on this blog. There are many other fantastic blogs out there that have explored the issue more cleverly and in far greater detail than I have managed as yet.

Understandably, fat people feel a lot of anger and hurt from this. I certainly feel it, and I hope that I continue feeling it for the sake of my humanity. As a result I think many would consider us perfectly justified in lashing out at thin people. I remember seeing something like this on the Fat Debate Dr. Phil episode (what of it I could manage to find, anyway), where this rather large woman addressed one of the thin people on the panel as "Skinny Minnie". You see it often. Thin people being referred to as "skinny bitches", or larger women being referred to as "real" women, or, as in that one Glee episode, Quinn being referred to by Mercedes as the "pretty blonde with the white girl ass" (yeah, not only is she thin, but she's both white and pretty as well. How dare she?).

I'd like to propose something here. It's not on. Seriously, it's not, and we should not go around, as fat people, and believe that harassing thin people, calling them names, referring to them as though they are somehow less "real" than us, making them feel guilt and shame for something that is beyond their control, is okay.

I say this for two very important reasons. One is the obvious one - it hurts their feelings. Boo hoo? You say? My response to you is to stop being an insensitive prick. I fully acknowledge that there are some thin people out there who are absolute sons-of-bitches to us. I will even acknowledge that such people could very well be the majority. But some thin people are not like that, at all. Bullying someone simply for being the way that they are is low, and it makes the person in question feel bad when they really shouldn't. I also argue that even if said thin person makes a comment that could be considered fat-hating if you turn it on its side and squint, that fighting back by mentioning their thinness and the subsequent difficulty they probably had/will have in bearing children is inhumane and unnecessarily insulting.

My other reason is that, in bullying thin people, or any people with some element of privilege, you are doing the exact same thing that they (or more likely people like them) have done in the past. Yep, the old "sinking down to their level" option. How are fat people supposed to claim that they have a legitimate right to other peoples' respect if we refuse to respect other people as well? Saying that we have the right to disrespect people because we are the disadvantaged party is a load of bullshit. That's like a non-white person saying that they have every right to call white people, I dunno, "stupid lazy white fuckers", or whatever else, because they are the disadvantaged party. I shall hesitantly dip my fingers into the racism bucket and say that I have heard the argument that racism is equal to prejudice + power, and that in that sense it is pretty much impossible for anybody who is not white to actually BE racist. I have so much trouble with that statement - more than I feel inclined to mention at this point in time. Everybody has the potential to be racist. Hell, everybody IS a little racist, at least on the inside. And in the same vain it is possible for fat people to be just as discriminatory in terms of size as it is for thin people to be. Thin people have JUST as much right to be respected and to feel as though they belong in this world and that they are "real" people, as fat people do. And to bully thin people is to, however inadvertently, claim otherwise, and that should not be acceptable.

One more important thing worth mentioning. Fat people, as a relative minority group, have certain stigmas attached to us. These include but are not limited to being rude, being stupid, and being mean. How are we supposed to be able to claim otherwise and say that we deserve not to have these stereotypes placed upon us if we, in wanting some sick, misguided revenge for the hurt that we've been through, continue to live up to these stereotypes?

Rant-tacular (on obesity stigmatisation and the damaging effect it has on people)

So a week and a half or so ago I was checking my livejournal, as one does, and I came across an article in a community that calls themselves ed_ucate. "ed" here means "eating disorder". I joined the group a year or so ago, when it became relatively clear to friends of mine in the know that I have disordered eating habits. Anyway, I find the community good in a number of ways. It is helpful, first of all, to read about other people's disordered behaviour and how they deal with it. I also find it quite intriguing from an academic perspective. I am an academic, after all, and I like to read up on medical issues of this caliber (I really should have gone into medicine. Perhaps it's not too late...). I especially enjoy reading about people's perceptions of eating disorders, and reading up on these perceptions and seeing what sort of evidence these perceptions are based on.

Anyway, a week and a half ago, I came across an article written by a German girl with bulimia currently on exchange in Copenhagen. She's 21, so my age, and she was talking about, essentially, her life at the moment. It's not been easy for her of late - she's been feeling bad about not taking all of the opportunities Copenhagen has to offer her, she's struggling with her eating disorder, she's got boyfriend-related worries, etc. But one thing that I noticed in particular was that, in the beginning of her post, she talked about the "good goals" she'd set for herself when she first arrived in Copenhagen a few months ago. Most of these goals were indeed goals that I myself set when I first came to Japan - learn the language, study hard, etc. But one of them gave me pause - "lose weight".

Hmm. I didn't like that. Not at all. And there are reasons for that. So, I present to you all now the looooooooong rant I posted on livejournal that day about this. Let me know what you think.

There was a post over at ed_ucate earlier today from a woman of 21 (my age) who is struggling quite a bit with a whole manner of things. Obviously, since ed_ucate is an eating-disorder-based community, her ED was one of the primary things that she was struggling with. Not that I think anybody with an ED doesn't struggle with it, but anyway.

One thing that bothered me in particular about this person is that she said, fairly early on in her post (and it was a pretty long post) that her BMI fluctuates between 25 and 35, and at the moment is at around 30. For those unfamiliar with the BMI... I encourage you to continue being unfamiliar with it, because if ever there has been a more bullshitty excuse for a measure of body physique, I have yet to find it. However, 30 is considered overweight. And throughout the article it became fairly clear that she is overweight, as it were. At one point she even mentioned how a doctor told her that, while she certainly had symptoms of bulimia, she was too fat to actually be bulimic (and at that can I just say to this doctor, in the most heart-felt way that I can manage, FUCK. YOU.). She also talked about having "good" goals for the next few months, most of which were pretty good (learning another language, studying hard, etc), but one of these goals was "losing weight".

This is a tricky situation. Obviously when one is trying to get over an eating disorder, thoughts about losing weight really should not exist. But if a person is actually overweight, then what?

There are two related problems here. The first is that some would follow the beliefs of that, *ahem*, "doctor", and think that proper eating disorders are not possible in overweight people, unless of course that eating disorder is binge-eating disorder (yay! *waves the BED flag*). The other is that close friends and relatives of the overweight ED-sufferer in question will, while being concerned (hopefully) about the ED, think that maybe the ED can be re-wired in such a way that the sufferer can lose weight.

Either way, there is this general idea that losing weight is of extreme importance here, DESPITE the eating disorder.

It occurred to me, while I was trying to think up a suitable reply for this poor woman, that her struggles would be made so much easier if losing weight wasn't an issue for her. But sadly, it is an issue. Not for any logical, valid, important reason (like, say, because her health is in actual danger - in fact, she seems to consume so little every day that I'd almost be prepared to say that the fact that she is overweight is saving her from dying of starvation. Note the "almost"), but because everybody around her - her parents, the "doctor", and society at large, is telling her that she should. Diversity doesn't seem to apply when it comes to body mass. As soon as a person is overweight, the all-around belief is: "You, my friend, are too fat. Conform!"

Does anybody else think, in this day and age, where diversity is supposed to be encouraged and celebrated, that this still-completely-acceptable way of thinking is INCREDIBLY STUPID?

The part that really broke my heart was when she said something along the lines of: well, as it stands, all my life I've thought that if only I could lose the weight and become thin, then I could become prettier/more loveable/more acceptable. How am I supposed to completely change that life-long belief?

Indeed. How is she supposed to change that life-long belief? I think it broke my heart because for so long, I thought exactly the same thing. Hell, quite a lot of the time I STILL think exactly the same thing. And when I say "so long", I mean, like, since the beginning of high school. So, 12. Probably before then too, I don't know. And was it my fault that I thought that way? I don't know. But I definitely don't think that the people who cared for me are entirely blameless, nor are the people who care for any overweight child, who think that telling the child shit like "you'd be so pretty if you lost weight" is helping them. In saying that you are indirectly saying that the child is currently ugly, and the only way for them to not be ugly is to be thin. Please, carers, why not go one step further, and roll out the eating disorder red carpet for them? Help them to take those first few tentatives steps into the world of constant. food. obsession, and a complete inability to think about anything, really, except food, and create a final result: a young adult who is probably fatter than ever before.

I'm sorry. This sort of talk makes me think really angry things about the people who, had they been more accepting of me the way I am, have stopped me from being controlled by something that I should be able to control. Just think, if they had said to me "Gillian, you're fantastic just the way you are. Do not change who you are. At all." rather than "Gillian, you would be so much more amazing if you were just a little bit thinner", or "Gillian! You've lost 5kg since I last saw you, right? You look SO much prettier now! Keep it up!", I could, quite possibly, not be in this hell that stops me from having ANY confidence to do ANYTHING, AT ALL, EVER.

Am I angry? TOO RIGHT I AM! This obesity stigmatism is the STUPIDEST, most UNFAIR, most INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE THING EVER. So many skinny people out there think that by promoting weight loss and healthy eating and exercising around the clock, that they are helping us poor, disadvantaged, ugly, helpless tubby people to lead better, more fulfilling lives. Would you like to know instead, you people, what you are promoting? You are promoting prejudice. You are promoting hate. You are promoting shame. You are promoting disgust. You are promoting an attitude whereby conforming is the only solution. You know what? Go away. You don't give a flying toss about our health. If you did then you would spare a second to realise how your propaganda is making fad diets, over-exercising, eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression acceptable, and you would see that what you're doing isn't improving our health at all. What you care about is that not everybody in the world is the same as you, and you want to change that, because fat people are not aesthetically pleasing enough for you. You're bullies. Plain and simple.

I'm through with believing that the only way that I can ever find love, be successful, and have a happy life is through fruitless dieting that I know from a literal lifetime of experience is going to do Sweet Fanny Adam. I'm through with all of the pretentious talk that most women seem to think is totally normal and sociable (you know what I mean. "Oh, you've lost so much weight! You look terrific!" "You think so? Thank you!" "Oh, I envy you, I have these rolls all over me and I just want them to go!" "Oh, I know, me too. I recommend this new thing I'm trying. Basically I eat 20kcal a day, feel like total crap all the time, and have barely enough energy in the evening to give my husband a decent knobbing. The weight's been just flying off me!" "That's amazing!"). I'm going to congratulate people if they lose weight and they are proud of themselves. But the second they start giving me weight-loss advice, I am going to throw the packet of biscuits that I will probably be eating right in their face, then be bitterly disappointed because those biscuits would have been tasty, and now would have face all over them. I am going to walk confidently with my skinny friends, knowing that, despite my fatness, and indeed maybe a little because of it, I bring a uniqueness into this world that cannot be matched by anybody else. I am going to believe that I am just as deserving of love, success, and happiness as any skinny person out there.

To tell you the truth, I probably am not actually going to do any of these things for a good long time, because I'm still riddled with the doubt and insecurity that comes from a lifetime of knowing beyond any question of a doubt that I am too fat to be considered deserving of any of these nice things. But hopefully, some day, I'll get there. I live for that dream.


This was the reply I ended up posting to the woman on ed_ucate :

I know exactly what you mean, because I have been there (and I mean, seriously. I've been there). There is such stigmatisation over being overweight, and it is a ridiculous, unfounded kind of stigmatisation. The only possible argument there is for being overweight being a bad thing, is if some health-related deficiency always occurs as a result, and many studies are showing that this is simply not the case. It is your actions, rather than your physicality (as well as other factors arguably out of a person's control, like environment, genes, gender, ethnicity, age, that sort of thing) that aid a person's health. Which is why there are so many incredibly fit, agile, healthy fat people out there, and so many disgustingly unhealthy thin people.

As for being thin making a person ok/loveable/worthy... well, as I said, I absolutely know what you mean, and until very recently I very firmly believed that there was no way that I would ever find love or be successful or be anything else that I want to be, while I remain fat. But I've gotten involved with a community on LJ that's really been helping me change that opinion. I won't lie - right now, a lot of the time, I still believe that I would find love and be more successful if I was thinner. But when I realise that thinking that is absolutely wrong and that in saying it I'm selling myself drastically short, the feeling that that realisation brings about is unspeakably wonderful. Funnily enough, when I do think like that, and when I can do things like tell my mum (in my head, of course) to go away and that I don't have to spend my life being ruled by how much I weigh, my ED seems to be much better.
This is merely a suggestion, of course. But I think, particularly for us overweight people with EDs, that it definitely merits thinking about.

Thanks for reading guys. <3