Updatetacular, of sorts.

Just a bit of general stuff, I think.

I've been back for a week now, and it's been pretty good. I've been waking up nice and early (6am thereabouts), and on most days doing for fairly vigorous walks, which is about all the exercise my unfit body can probably handle right now. I didn't go this morning, but more on that later.

I've done a few English lessons, and I have a few others lined up. We'll see how my new clients go, because they're a few that I'm worried about. My clients have pretty much all been young women like myself, but on Sunday I'll be meeting a 3-year-old boy whose mum wants me to play with him or whatever, speaking to him entirely in English. I've also got to meet a man in his 30s, I think, in a week or so, which I'm kind of freaked out about. It's a bit silly, but I've had trust issues with men for the longest time. It probably has something to do with primary school bullying or whatever. Anyway, time for me to person up (you know, man up, woman up? I prefer not to specify a gender) and grin and bear it. It's not like he's an ogre of a bloke either - I've been emailing him and he's quite lovely.

Eating-wise, things have been... better than they were before I went back to England, but not the greatest, I'd say. I've consumed a fair amount of chocolate and I'll probably continue to do so. I'm not too worried about this, because even with the chocolate consumption I'm eating far better that I was before, and anyway it seems to be making me feel a little better.

Yes, that's the thing. It's very lonely here at the moment. The only other person on my floor is the American girl, and she's nice and we get along quite well, but she's not someone I'd actively spend a lot of time with. And to be fair, there are very few people I would actively spend a lot of time with here, and none of them are here right now. It kind of sucks, and I'm feeling pretty unhappy and missing my family quite a bit.

And the unfortunate thing is that being in this sort of mood makes you think about your place in the world, in a bad way. Like, I think about friends I have/have had, and I realise that after uni I'm not going to have any good friends, really. Because my uni friends will move on and my pre-uni friends are all in Australia, and if I stay in England I won't be near them, obviously. I might make friends at my next place of stuff-doing, whether it's a job or at another (or maybe the same) university doing a masters, but you can never be sure. I've never been the greatest friend-maker the world has ever known, and even with my good friends I'm hardly the most significant person in their lives (primarily because they're able to do normal-person stuff like have boyfriends). It's somewhat sad to think that the only place where I have real significance is amongst my family. I'm very lucky to have a supportive family, but it kind of makes me worry. Will I ever be able to leave that safety net and have my own family, or will I be helping my mother to live out her fantasy of spending my youth in Paris with pretty much nobody except her for company (and let me tell you, the very idea of only having my mother for company strikes me as nothing short of nightmare-ish)?

I think this all boils down to me and my general rubbish-ness. I certainly want to be able to go out and live my own life after uni is done, but I'm not the biggest fan of loneliness, and since I'm utterly incapable of having a boyfriend or friends that are close enough for me to want to live with them or whatever, I'm worried that I'll be attached to my family for far longer than most people.

I guess we'll have to see what happens.

I feel better after writing that. I might check on some other blogs then go out and do some money transferring.